What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
