I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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