So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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