Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
