So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
