I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
