Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
