I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
