You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
