I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
