did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
