no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
