it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
