This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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