Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
