How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
