I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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