the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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