do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
