I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
