Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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