i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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