this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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