You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
