put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
