nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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