I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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