Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
