i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
