Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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