somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
