I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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