I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
