I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
