Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
