I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
