these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
