your thong is hanging out like whoa
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Sorry about my life...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
