I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
