Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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