I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
