who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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