Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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