his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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