based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
