Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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