So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
