But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
