Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
