I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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