when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
