My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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