is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
