it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
